Thank you. Your words on loss summarized my situation exactly. I lost my career & financial independence, my marriage, hobbies & athletics, and almost every valued friendship that l had. It’s hard not to dwell on the unfairness of it all, but I work with an amazing therapist. With her, l am reminded that I still have much to offer as a Mom, a Nana & a loving friend.
1 hour ago
Hi Denise, yet another great and poignant writing of yours…Thank you! This is a good topic.
I have always been a positive minded person yet one who has had to live through many a traumatic time and downfalls in life. I guess somewhere along in my early life I was influenced to always find a ‘positive out of a negative’ in order to move on.
Having started my Chronic Pain Journey in 1990 I have learned tons about living with Pain. But it was when I became disabled in 2005 that I was hit the hardest, having been a nurse for 31 yrs at that point. Losing my career was one of the toughest times I’ve had to endure. I now lived on a lot less money, had to move to a cheaper rented home (more than once since!), pinched pennies, couldn’t always pay rent etc etc. It all trickled down on me over time.
I eventually had to go to therapy to help me through it and find ways to find new purpose in life.
Another hardship was my relationship with my only child (who is now 37). She and I were 2 peas in a pod with lots of laughter and support for each other. When she saw her ‘super mom’ struggle she could not deal with it and moved 3000 miles away 11 yrs ago. My heart was torn apart. I have also lost lifetime friendships. I have found that most people just can’t handle seeing a vibrant, happy person’s life change so drastically. It is sad and tough to deal with.
But at this point in my journey I hang on to the many blessings in my life, which helps me.
I live alone and most times do not spend time with another human for weeks. Life is difficult. Each 24 hours in pain is a major struggle.
Yet, I keep faithful and positive, I continue to work on entertaining myself through the day (and night! I’m up 2x night with pain), pay attention to nature around my home and find beauty in each day, educate myself/gain knowledge more and more and reach out to others.
Life is short and we have been dealt a difficult one but…’things could always be worse’ (for what that is worth).
2 hours ago
Some have lost many of the things you’ve mentioned, I’ve lost everything and I’m about to lose far more.
In July ’19. my medical bills finally started to strangle me, plus my mentally ill/Alzheimer’s mother w/gambling loans on the house ($360,000 worth) & her house insurance and taxes got dumped on me as well when she was FORCED into a Nursing Home because she put NO ONE’S NAME on anything! I’m her only child, well-educated and 52. Yet in her scrambled untreated brain, I wasn’t her son. ?
So she had 2 BAD falls on her head outside in Sept. 2014 (2-days in a row!). She became catatonic. My DEADBEAT selfish father in Michigan since 2002 (w/step-mother he cheated on my mother w/BEFORE their divorce in 1969) when I was almost two; never did anything to help me. In fact, he stole more from me than my gambling addict mother (and she stole $70,000 in 2012 that was GONE days later!). All the while I’m suffering indescribably with Myasthenia Gravis, Degenerative Disc Disease (six discs) & Fibromyalgia. My father died just 7-months after my mother’s catatonic state started. HOW MUCH AM I EXPECTED TO BEAR?
Next my step-mother tells me I get $500 a month forever after “dad” died (which was THE LEAST he could do after stealing $250,000+ from me): my father’s wishes (she had to make it clear this was NOT her idea). After getting near $8,000, she CUT ME OFF FOREVER in March, 2018. I’ve been severely struggling ever since.
So in desperation a friend took me to a Westchester NY Sports Card Show (my hobby since 1987) in my wheelchair. GREED had so drastically changed my hobby, that I couldn’t buy & resell ANYTHING to make a cent!
On my way out I STOLE a card I thought I could get $200 for (dumb!). I was arrested (in my wheelchair) 5-days later. They REFUSE to comply w/my medical needs w/doctor letters!
Today I have court w/a BROKEN WHEELCHAIR! Legal Aid WON’T CALL, so I emailed (7) times w/all the proof she’d need. I just need more time! NO ONE CARES!
2 hours ago
Great post, honest & 100% relatable! When I have a hard time finding anything positive in my ‘new normal’, I think of all of the amazing people I’ve met in my journey. From support groups to articles on this site & everywhere in between, I have found my ‘tribe’. Fellow chronic pain patients are the only people who really get it, & without them, I would be lost & alone. I’m extremely lucky to have a supportive partner, too. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for my biological family. My tribe, all of you out there who get it, & those who support us… that’s my gain! ????
3 hours ago
Denise.. Such a great article yes I have and now worse 5 neck 2 back surgeries .2 YEARS of infections.in and out of hospital s home w pic line . blah now almost 2 years no infections neck is 70 to 80 percent better .i had a spinal cord stimulator had to be taken out my back is throbbing I been getting injections forever. I NOW have arthritis herniated bulging disc L4 L5 S1 ALSO that was my 1st back surgery 7 years ago left w a broken screw major reconstruction. Back then neck I can go on but I know .. My back is throbbing I am doing everything in my power Gym physical therapy .. I missed yesterday not sleeping good 6 months I have been on the couch I pull joints and have spasam s AWEFUL I saw my PM as usual yesterday I left at 05 00 gym 1st then herbs .. I don’t overdue I do CARDIO and legs to streathen my back .. I fight everyday .. I live alone and I LOVE it I also love to travel taking a break working on me .. This pain is no JOKE sure some I know out I am sorry but you see they don’t understand .. Unless they walked in my shoes . personally I push ppl away .i don’t need toxic in my life . I am doing my own coping skill s .. The one thing I hate is you don’t look like you are in pain ppl just don’t know Gd .has TRUILLY blessed me .. I was injured at work then I was place in a lite duty position ..Now I am retired on disability I love working and I love ppl I started working at 13 wow . I must say like 26 to 30 years .i had no choice I had my 1st daughter when I was young I never took a ???? ..until I was injured .. On the same doesn’t work even tho he up my dose nope I won’t take anything strong I do not want to be numb I want to fight for my life . so I so understand what you are saying .. It’s 05 18 in Chicago having my coffee and force myself to get out .. Start my day
Yes Iam exhausted .. But I am a people person . my Holiday begins Sunday and I am very excited to be going w my daughter to services and events thank you for that beautiful article very touchin
4 hours ago